Yesterday was a bad day for papermunching. For breakfast, I had a baked apple, stuffed with paper and currants. That was okay, but then I forgot my lunch. I forgot my copy of American Gods, too, which left me with two options: no lunch at all, or a trip to Barnes and Noble. Since I needed to replace the pages stolen on Friday, anyway, I plumped for the trip. It was a decision I would come to regret.
Everything went just fine till I had the book in my possession. At that point, I decided to head on over to Burger King. I'd have a quick burger-and-book snack, with the extra thrill of public dining, then hurry back to work. Even on Saturdays, I like to be punctual. So I ate my burger, all tricked out with paper curls (no one looked; no one minded), and returned to my car. Sometime during lunch, I had been rear-ended. One of my taillights was smashed, and my paintjob was all messed up. I checked my windshield for a note, but (surprise!) there was none.
Since I was parked right across from the drive-thru window, I figured someone must have seen something. I drove thru and made inquiries.
"Hey, I was rear-ended while I was inside having lunch. Did you see anything?"
"Are you going to order something, sir?"
"No, I already ate. I was rear-ended. Did you happen to see who did it?"
"Sir, you'll have to ask inside. People are waiting for the drive-thru."
I glanced behind me. The lane was deserted.
"Nobody's waiting right now. Can you just tell me if you saw...."
"Sir, I just came on."
"Is there someone else in there? Someone who might have seen?"
"Well, do you know when I could...?"
"Sir, if anyone had seen you get rear-ended, I'm sure they'd have mentioned it."
"Can I speak to a manager?"
I pulled out, angry and disgruntled. On my way to work, I got ticketed for driving with a broken taillight. I explained that it had just happened over lunch, but the cop didn't believe me. (Either that, or he had a quota to fill.)
Back at work, I went into Jim's office, meaning to size up the extent of his stealing problem. I wanted to reach a resolution that allowed everyone to walk away, job and dignity intact, but first I had to know what I was dealing with. The first drawer I opened told me all I needed to know: my fountain pen was there. I got that out, and a pad of monogrammed paper (G.N.? Who's G.N.?), and left Jim a note.
I came in here Saturday afternoon to borrow some White-Out. I noticed you had found my fountain pen (thanks! I was looking all over for that!), so I took it back.
In case my point was not clear enough, I circled "G.N.".
After that, I went home, and fell asleep on the couch watching TV. Fast food always gives me the z's. I got up briefly at about 11, snacked on pumpkin-and-paper instant soup, and went to bed.
Today went better, although I still didn't get to eat much paper. I had another baked apple for breakfast, then headed out for my powerwalk group. I told Mike what I had done about Jim, leaving out the part about the $600 fountain pen. He nodded approval. Jim may be a mooch and a kleptomaniac, but he's a decent guy and a hard worker. Nobody wants to see him fired.
After that, it was lunch for six at Bennigan's (me, Mike, Sharon, Rob, Stu, and Mary), then back to Mike and Sharon's for cribbage (Rob and Stu) and spades (the rest of us). Before we knew it, it was full dark outside, and everyone was invited for dinner. I felt a little guilty, eating two paper-free meals in one day, but I was having too much fun to leave. Besides, the beer had been flowing rather freely. I wasn't drunk, but it would be a couple of hours before I could get behind the wheel.
I finished out the day with another instant soup/paper snack. Tomorrow morning, I'll have to get up early and see about that taillight. That means another breakfast on the go. I should do something special for dinner, to make up for my weekend deficiencies.